Attempting to Help Family Members

Trying to first quietly suggest procedures you just know your husband needs are ignored. After being ignored and becoming repititious about that colonoscopy he now becomes really angry and in words other then then street tells me to back off. Now if I bring it up he'll just leave the room and ignore me. I respond with tears and frustration. I relay my emotions to friends who will listen and not judge or walk away. What a grand feeling to experience that nonjudgemental response. Especially when you're coming from a place of love and deep concern. I never want to feel like I told you so. Why is it so hard for the ones you love to hear words from total strangers without a rebuttle. I love my husband and daughter deeply. They are my very soul. However; I need to let go as they are not my responsibility to heal. Patient Advocates in my opinion have a difficult task dealing with people who want my help. Patient Advocates who offer their help to the people they love need to offer quietly and painfully walk away.

Yesterday was almost too painful to write about. See, all I really strive to do is help put the physician in a direction to come forth with truth to the patient. A human being deserves that. Providers sometimes have these huge egos and don't care what the advocate or patient says; they'll do it their way. Meaning keeping the visit short and sweet - try not to ask questions so I don't have to think about how not to answer them - things like that. Well bring a pitball into the mixed bag and things begin to change. Either for the better or for the worse. Yesterday I was pleased to meet Ann's' Oncologist. He is a short, Asian man with a gentle temperament. I remember how he spoke with his hands to make a point and how easy it was to talk to him. A gentleman. Pleasantly surprised. We talked about Ann being stage 4 cancer. Ann looked shocked!! She said am I terminal? When the doctor replied yes, she said someone told me there's another stage. I looked directly in her wanting eyes and said there is no further stage, however you can live for a very long time with stage 4. All the while I'm thinking you're getting worse at a pretty rapid rate. Just because the cat scans have spoken loud and clear; as your almost constant pain has. Which is the truth, I think. You see, I believe in miracles. All that means is that the books tell you one thing but your soul tells you another. It's your choice to believe which voice works best for you. Anyway after holding her hand, and reminding her I'll be here for her I left and went home. There I proceeded to cry. Thinking about all the tears I've shed in the last couple of years for those who have given their last breath. The people who passed from Hepatitis C and a few from cancer. Saying good bye never feels good. Even with all the make believe smiles and hand shakes, I prefer hellos. Lots and lots of hellos.